I’ve taken a break from writing because I’ve had a lot going on. Nightmares contributing towards my anxiety, I have been keeping busy with my jobs, working on relaxing along with trying to manage my personal time as far as spending time with other people. Overall I’m actually happy with how things are going. I still sort of flip when I get stressed out but I’ve worked really hard to change my reaction patterns and sometimes its changed and sometime’s not so much. It’s not easy when you try to change a pattern that has been there since I was a child. I wish that I had gotten help for it before now because it’s simply a handicap in the real world. Any person who tries to say it’s not is out of their mind.
I have noticed that I’ve slipped on some things that I was doing before that seemed to help (eating healthier, riding, and simple stuff like that). I’m hoping I can get a routine back in place for those things because I know that they help me. I know that they work for me and that is one of the most powerful things for overcoming anxiety – finding what works for you and sticking to it!
I have ridden but I’ve worked with a client’s horse and not my own. It’s so nice to go out and see Bella and just hang out with her for a bit but we really bond when we work not so much from the ground. She’s respectful and good on the ground and she trusts me. But she definitely likes having a job. I need to give her a job again and ride her so that I’m riding two to four times a week rather than just riding my client’s horse on this one. I may have another job offer for riding which would be fantastic, I need to call the owner this week and set up a time to go see the horse he wants help with.
I’m wary of putting too much work on my plate since I recognize that as one of my escape techniques. Work so much that I simply can’t even think about anything else. Right now doing so would be a huge step back for me. I want to move forward and not just in baby steps, I want to really move forward. I just need to get a routine set again, I would really like to believe that a routine would be the key.
Got moved in last night, ended up watching my new housemates 7 year old for a bit, his German Shepherd is getting along great with Cher, and we finally got the password for the WiFi so I’m officially back online! I don’t have much to write at the moment, I’m just happy to be back on the Internet and able to start really catching up on some things (yes, like Netflix).
The new house is good, the bed is comfy, the house is awesome, I’ve been able to actually get my massive amount of laundry almost completely done already. Most of my stuff is unpacked (can’t get it all unpacked until I get a bookshelf, that’s on my list). I’m currently updating stuff on the computer & will soon be going to make some dinner.
I’m still not caught up but it’s 9:30 and I still have to make my phone hot spot work and get this stuff posted and I’m so exhausted. I was hoping to post 3 posts tonight but the topic of the third post that I was going to touch on will have to wait. The post about my mom just exhausted me and I need to shower, stretch, ice my shoulder, eat a few more cookies, brush my teeth, and somehow get to bed before 10:30/11. And by bed I mean fall asleep on the couch watching a DVD because I have so little still here at my apartment. I’m so ready to be done the moving.
- I have updated my reading list to include the 5 most recent books I’ve read. Last week due to some very important personal issues dealing with my relationships with multiple people and trying to handle that I barely read at all. I did finish two books, this week I’ve read four books so far and I just borrowed another from my aunt that I’m going to start tomorrow. I may actually read that book twice, once to take notes & once to just read it. I’ll get to that in a bit though.
- I had a great vacation, immediately after coming home I was thrown right back into some bullshit I didn’t want (or need) but such is life. I’m not writing about some of that because it involves people I care about and while I choose to talk about my life and my struggle I make a very conscious effort not to talk too much about anyone else. They get to keep their lives personal if that is what they want to do (which yes most people in my life are very private and seem to view this blog as me “airing dirty laundry” – the only “dirty laundry” I intend to air is my relationship with my adoptive mother because she has caused many of my issues and I am now trying to fix those and fixing those, and share that story would be impossible without being able to write about it).
- I will have internet again this coming weekend. I’m super excited. Netflix here I come, I’m going to binge watch until the damn end of time (but not really).
- I’m in love with my new client’s horse. In reality, it’s not that new. I’ve been riding this guy for almost 6 weeks now! We’re still having “discussions” during ground work but under saddle he is so incredibly willing and fun, one of his former owners actually complimented my riding on Facebook and said that he’s not an easy ride (which he’s not) so that made me feel super awesome and I know my client is loving his progress which is awesome since I depend on her to keep me on working with him!
between moving out of my mom’s place haphazardly and then never going through all my junk when I moved into my house I ended up with a lot of stuff I don’t need. Or stuff I do at least want that wasn’t properly packed. This morning I got my ribbons from competing Bella packed away nicely (ish) and I cleaned out my makeup/girl crap carrying case effectively getting rid of at least 15 bottles of old old old nail polish. I’m also donating a huge bag of clothes that I don’t want/never wear and got rid of some that were just way too grungy to be donated. I’m feeling good about this. I’m going to be ready to move by the time the day gets here.