I’ve taken a break from writing because I’ve had a lot going on. Nightmares contributing towards my anxiety, I have been keeping busy with my jobs, working on relaxing along with trying to manage my personal time as far as spending time with other people. Overall I’m actually happy with how things are going. I still sort of flip when I get stressed out but I’ve worked really hard to change my reaction patterns and sometimes its changed and sometime’s not so much. It’s not easy when you try to change a pattern that has been there since I was a child. I wish that I had gotten help for it before now because it’s simply a handicap in the real world. Any person who tries to say it’s not is out of their mind.
I have noticed that I’ve slipped on some things that I was doing before that seemed to help (eating healthier, riding, and simple stuff like that). I’m hoping I can get a routine back in place for those things because I know that they help me. I know that they work for me and that is one of the most powerful things for overcoming anxiety – finding what works for you and sticking to it!
I have ridden but I’ve worked with a client’s horse and not my own. It’s so nice to go out and see Bella and just hang out with her for a bit but we really bond when we work not so much from the ground. She’s respectful and good on the ground and she trusts me. But she definitely likes having a job. I need to give her a job again and ride her so that I’m riding two to four times a week rather than just riding my client’s horse on this one. I may have another job offer for riding which would be fantastic, I need to call the owner this week and set up a time to go see the horse he wants help with.
I’m wary of putting too much work on my plate since I recognize that as one of my escape techniques. Work so much that I simply can’t even think about anything else. Right now doing so would be a huge step back for me. I want to move forward and not just in baby steps, I want to really move forward. I just need to get a routine set again, I would really like to believe that a routine would be the key.